Choose LIFE

CHOOSE LIFE!

Dear Friends,

Too many times in life we allow situations or people to slowly kill the very fire that burns in our soul, and eventually we slowly start to just survive or exist. Our passion for living decays and we lose the passion of LIVING, truly LIVING.

I want to share with you that life does not have to be  this empty or cold and that you actually have the strength to LIVE life to its fullest potential no matter the hard ships and pain you have experienced by simply altering a couple of ways we do things in life and think.

I used to read things like this when I was at my lowest and shrug my shoulders and grunt........."WHAT EVER", and think to myself that the person writing all that stupid crap hasn't gone through what I am going through and wouldn't even bother reading any further, BUT I wish I had forced myself earlier to just read it with an open mind like I am going to ask you to do now!!

Don't you ever wonder what your purpose is?? I have often wondered that but lately I seem to have found my reason for my life, besides my children. you see this is what I think, I think that you and I fought so hard to come into this world. We were among thousands and millions of sperm and eggs fighting to win the race of life, and despite the millions which we were against, it was YOU AND I that survived the swim and fight for our place in our mothers womb so we could be a part of this wonderful life. My point being that I , therefore think strength, courage and stamina is in us and always has been, yet when we are faced with adversity and challenges we doubt the strength within us to get us through it all and we start losing the will to fight and eventually succumb to the empty way of living and live a life of death on a daily basis, walking empty souls.

WHAT IS STOPPING YOU FROM LIVING A FULL LIFE? and I mean LIVING, not existing.

My friends, you are the only obstacle standing before your happiness and potential to live a passionate life.

WHY?  simple really.......... you keep thinking of the same negative thoughts over and over again in your head like I did for so many years. Questions like: WHY ME, WHY BOTHER, I HATE MY LIFE, WHAT ELSE IS GOING TO GO WRONG, I KNOW I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN, WHY DO BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME........ and the list goes on and on.

I'M SORRY for your hurt, and I'm sorry you are angry and / or bitter about what has happened but are you going to live your life like you have been living it now, for ever??

 Are you waking up happy, do you see the beauty in things that happen during the day, do you sit and laugh with your children or friends or partner or do you sit there finding every thing wrong with your day??

What if I had to tell you that your outlook on life and your commitment to living affects those around you WHO NEED YOU MOST. In fact they don't just need you, they need you to be as whole and complete as you can possibly be.

When I lost my younger son, I made sure that I was always around my elder son becasue I knew he was going through such excrutiating pain and confusion, I made sure he was with me at all times and I made sure I spent all my time with him, what I didn't realise is that I may as well have taken a car and driven across the country and stayed there for a few years because that is how much I was mentally and emotionally with Luc (my elder son), I was a walking corpse and of no use to him what so ever, and in fact as time went on my son started to show signs of anger and resentment.

Those emotions were for a couple of reasons, firstly coming to terms with losing his brother, secondly the divorce and thirdly moving out our home, however one thing was pointed out to me 3 and half years later, it was pointed out to me that one of the main reasons he was very angry was that he no longer had the mother he used to have.........HE HAD LOST HER.

When this was pointed out to me I was engulfed with guilt, in all my own pain I had allowed myself to die to life and just be this empty shell. I wasn't this care free , happy, laughing mum anymore. I drank alot at social gatherings , I suffered panic attacks, I would be hospitalised a couple of times per year so that they could sedate me and I wouldn't have to face my pain and I had lost my zest for life.

HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT TO A LITTLE BOY BETWEEN THE AGES OF 5 and 10 years old with them fully understanding?? You cant!! When the child psychologist told me what he did about lucs anger, I decided that it was time to make some drastic changes, it was time to turn my life around and start digging deep for some courage.

First thing was first, I had to start facing Sebastians birthdays and death anniversary"s without sedation, I had to start trying to cope with being in the real world because someone more important than me NEEDED ME and he needed me to be as whole as I could be. When i grasped the concept that this was the case, I found inner strength to start making the changes within me.

I started reading books to help me, I started making an effort to do fun things with Luc and make sure that when we did those things that I was mentally and emotionally WITH HIM IN THE MOMENT, not just physically but my mind somewhere else. I started waking up early in the morning and finding positive readings to start my day, and slowly but surely i started to feel better, I started to live again, and so did my son.

YOU cannot lie down and allow what ever has happened to you to keep you down, you need to find the energy , passion and strength to slowly start changing your ways so that you start seeing the world through beautiful lenses again.

IT IS POSSIBLE YOU KNOW!! I did it. but like I have told you before, it doesn't mean that I am now super human and don't have bad days- dam right I have bad days, but I have promised myself that those bad days will not consume me nor rob my son of the mother he needs, I JUST REFUSE!!!! and you can too!!

Starting block:  why don't you start off by waking up at 5:30 am every day for the next 21 days, and all I am going to ask you to do is to read a positive reading every morning before the day begins. 21 days that's all I am asking...........

I get up every morning at 5 am, I walk outside, pick fresh flowers, fill a little glass with water and place the flowers on the breakfast table. I then light my fresh smelling incense and play some calm music and kick start the day with a positive reading. This equips me to face the day with a good strong mind and a happy heart, which is then contagious to Luc when I wake him and get him ready for school. My son then goes to school feeling secure, happy and peaceful, I LOVE EVERY MORNING GOD GRANTS ME, not because of any other reason but that I CHOOSE TO.

I NOW SEE BEAUTY IN THE FLOWERS I PICK, I SEE BEAUTY IN THE CRISP MORNING AIR, I SEE BEAUTY IN MY CHILD AND REALISE THAT I NEED TO MAINTAIN THIS IN ORDER FOR MY CHILD TO SEE ALL THE BEAUTY THAT I HAVE COME TO SEE.

what do YOU WANT FROM LIFE?? if its a change towards the positive path, lets do it together , I know your challenges , I know the obstacles , and I know the constant courage it will take to get you up every day but you know what YOU CAN DO IT, and I will do it WITH YOU.

CHOOSE LIFE, AND CHOOSE IT TODAY!!

see you bright and early tomorrow morning.

YOU are in my thoughts special friend.

love Nadia